As of today my friends Creative Prose Publishing are officially no longer in business. I am now self published.
It makes me think of the movie "You've Got Mail" especially the part where Kathleen Kelly says "People are always telling you that change is a good thing. But all they're really saying is that something you didn't want to happen at all . .. has happened."
I can so relate to that quote. I feel like a part of me is right back where I started and it was all for nothing. The optimistic, logical part of me says to push forward and maybe it's just a blessing in disguise, but my heart . . . my heart is broken and wants to sit in the corner with hot chocolate and a bag of oatmeal cookies reading tear jerking novels.
So many things she says in that movie touch me right now. Like this quote:
I live a small life, valuable, but small. Do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave?
For the most part I think I like it. If I had my "druthers" I'd be a hermit in a cabin or a beach house, writing my novels and sending them out there to make a living for me. I'd only have to come forth now and then to buy food and say hi to my family and loved ones.
I never wanted to self publish. I know that I pretty much hate doing all of the things that publishers do. I want all of the things I get from a publisher, validation, editing, cover art, marketing, to name a few. So I am looking, praying and sending out a few queries. In the mean time I'm keeping my book out there in the void, hoping someone will buy it and read it. I guess that's what it's all about in the end isn't it?
You've Got Mail is, of course, one of my favorite all time movies. How could it not be? It's about bookstores, romance, and new beginnings. I love it even more now because it gives me a feeling that I'm not alone. Other people have speed bumps in their careers and it can still turn out well. Just as Kathleen Kelly comes out on top in the end, I too can pull myself up, put on my big girl panties and push on with my life.
So I'm just throwing this out there to anyone who cares to read it. Soon I will pull out a bouquet of freshly sharpened pencils and get back to work on the next novel. However, for now, goodnight dear void . . .